Our self esteem is a combination of the beliefs we have about ourselves – positive and negative. The more positive beliefs we have, the higher our self esteem. Researchers claim that we have 60,000 to 90,000 thoughts a day. Over 90% are the same as the day before. Beliefs about ourselves come from all parts of our life, starting in childhood. Thoughts are like habits and become the filter through which we see ourselves. Those thoughts then influence our behavior and how we interact with other people. Our brain develops an actual groove as we strongly develop the habit of thinking in a particular way continuously. Some examples of this are people who believe they can’t lose weight, who then sabotage their diet, or people who believe they will never have enough money, and then spend everything they have. We all know someone who has a distrust for people in general, and consequently is not able to cultivate meaningful relationships, romantic or otherwise.
Improving the thoughts that we think about ourselves will lead to improved behaviors and subsequently improved results. We don’t have to wait to start that process! We can be willing to love and accept all parts of ourselves immediately, jumpstarting change to those repetitive thoughts that are controlling our behavior and our results. When we let go of the need for approval from others, we stop comparing ourselves to other people. We must learn to stop judging, frightening, and criticizing ourselves. To do this we need to learn the difference between our behaviour and who we truly are. We are not our ‘faults’ and when we focus on what we do well we will form the habit of engaging in more and more confident behaviours. This is who we are, pure, positive energy.
Let go of what you should be, should have, should want, and should look like. ‘Should’ implies guilt and blame. It always makes you wrong and is a passive way of criticizing yourself. Take full responsibility for your thoughts and your subsequent actions by taking full responsibility for your life now, as it is. How many of our thoughts -now and in the past – are even true? If you are like most people, probably very few of them. Think about how many of your thoughts live in the past. How much time do you spend fretting about the future? Researchers say that 98% of what we worry about never actually happens. If you can replace those worries with self assured thoughts, you will create new experiences that reflect your new thoughts and beliefs about yourself. How many times has something happened that we perceive as negative, and then later go on to say it was one of the best things that has ever happened to us? Replace your negative thoughts about yourself with positive affirmations. Using the previous examples some new thoughts would be; I lose weight easily and enjoy being healthy, I easily maintain a positive cash flow each month, and all my relationships are harmonious. If you tend to have a lot of worrisome thoughts regarding the future use the self esteem tool of visualization. For a few minutes each day, imagine, see, and connect with the feeling of everything always working out in the best way possible. Visualization can neutralise the past and create a future that is desirable to you.
Remember that we are all the same, we all have basically the same thoughts, wants, needs, ‘shoulds’ and worries. This is true with samplings of people from all over the world. While improving your thoughts, do your part to build other people up as well. Give sincere compliments and help redirect negative thoughts and behaviours by your example. In ‘A Return to Love’, Marianne Williamson states in her now famous passage, ‘And as we let our own light shine, unconsciously we give other people permission to do the same.’ Put these words into action and shine your light, observe what happens around you. You will be encouraged to keep on shining, after all, it is the essence of your true self.
Copyright 2018 Victoria Johnson, www.VictoriaJohnson.org